One of fondest memories of childhood was playing with a box full of empty bottles at my great grandmother's house. They were things she had used in the kitchen, mostly vanilla flavoring bottles. I would line them up in rows based on size and different varieties. Little did I know that would be sign of the future, as I have spent many hrs of my life rearranging bottles into straight rows. The difference now is they are full instead of empty. I have often wondered if that box of bottles is tucked in the same spot I left almost 40 yrs ago. Wow those bottles are old. I hope to find a picture of me and thst army of old bottles somewhere in a sea of old pictures floating around. A picture that I seriously doubt was ever taken. I rearranged the empty cans and bottles while she was sewing or baking. She introduced me to hard work. She was constantly doing something, whether it was quilting, sewing, baking or working in her flower beds. There was no paycheck involved. She just plain worked.
When I was around 9 or 10 yrs old I tackled my baby brother in the back yard. I heard his leg break. I still feel terrible about it to this day. Well he spent six weeks in the hospital in traction. I grew up in a single patent home. Mom stayed at the hospital with my brother. I went to stay with my grandparents house. Grandmother worked at a department store not to far from the elementary school. A Walmart kind of store that had a lot of different kinds of things, from clothes, to. cloth, to small appliances. The kind of store Walmart under cut on prices and put out of business. A town gathering place. I would walk to the store after school during my stay with grandma. I learned to enjoy being in the store around Grandma. It was a small town, so everyone pretty much knew everyone. I remember the feeling that came from being in the store, like I belonged in a store. Again I should have seen the future. I remember playing on an old cash register in the store. You had to pound the keys like a type writer and pull the handle down to get a total. They joked about the cranky old manager. I saw him not to long ago while running a store of my own in the same small town. He still recognized me and asked about my grandma. Some of the highlights of my career have been seeing my grandparents in my stores. I remember being a young cashier almost 30 yrs ago and my grandpa came through my line. I remember being happy to see him, maybe proud to be working, like I had seen him do. Then years later, as I manged another store in my home town, my grandma would shop there. I would stop what I was doing to chat with her. You often get trapped into thinking that life will pause at certain stages along the way and stay there forever.
The tide of all these memories come rushing back in as my grandmother is struggling in her own head to remember what happened a few minutes ago. She keeps unloading all her clothes out of closet and says she's ready to go home. The family keeps telling her she's can't go home and puts her things back in the closet. I don't think grandma is totally referring to an earthly home any more. Her home burned a few years ago. That was painful for me. It must have been devastating to her. She is ready to go to her permanent home and rejoin her husband, my grandpa in heaven. She's led a full life. She's seen her children and grandchildren and great grandchildren grow up. She's outlived her brother and sisters. She misses her husband. Her knees have long since failed her. I don't think she can see very much of anything anymore. If only she could still see and spend her time sewing or quilting, she would be happier. Now her mind is deceiving her. I love her dearly. It's so easy to not see others around you when you are focused on finding your own way in life, and you miss out on things. I miss time hanging out in the store while grandma fixes another pair of pants. I miss that life but it lives on inside me and will til I'm ready to go home. In the mean time I will find comfort and normalcy in other stores along my journey.
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