Candy and nuts

It's increasingly difficult to slow down life. Too many forces pulling you in too many directions.  I got an opportunity this week however. We took a week off work and loaded the kids up and went to our safehaven.  The one without all life's constant reminders laying around.  It gives you a moment to take your foot off the gas and coast for a minute.  This week is also our wedding anniversary and my youngest daughter's birthday. This causes reflection on the past.  The ups and downs of two lives intercepted and spliced permanately together as well as how did our children grow up so fast. The realization that such times together are now numbered without the intrusion of others.

I appreciate my wife and love her dearly.  I don't think I had any idea what we were in for or what the outcome would be.  We decided to form a parental partnership as opposed to the more traditional route to marital bliss.  I knew I loved her and I knew I hadn't felt this kind of love before.  I'm pretty sure my wife felt the same way.  We just decided to put it all on fast foward. I had to learn quickly how to be a husband and a father, ironically, two roles I knew very little about. I probably still don't know a lot about either one, but I try my damnest to be the best I can.  I'm not sure the traditional route would have gotten me here either. There were too many roadblocks in the way that would have slowed or prevented that from happening smoothly.  We have learned a lot over the last fourteen years. A lot about being parents, spouses, a lot about us, a lot about each other.  One thing
I have found out is that so many of the missing peices in my life and questions I have had about life have been filled in my this relationship with my wife and our children.  It's amazing.  The last real memory of having a dad myself was my fifth birthday. Then came a period of 25 years of questions that I had no answers for. Questions about being a man; a father, a husband, questions about life in geneal. The last fourteen years have provided me a lot of answers for these questions and for this I am greatfull.  My wife and kids probably don't understand, but in a lot of ways it went back full circle and gave me a chance to redo a lot of my life.

Futile Defense

You  work to build this beautiful castle.  The walls are straight and strong.  The protective moat is deep and wide.  The hours spent making this fortress grow as does the pride and satisfaction of how it's turning out.  But you know the enemy is lurking nearby.  He is ready to pounce at any moment.  You have tried to place the castle out of enemy territory, but the reality is he has no boundaries.  He is a force of nature.  As the waves of enemy attackers approach, you can only hope to make reinforcements.  Yet the enemy marches on. Closer and closer.  Until the first rouge wave of enemy attackers breach your outer wall.  This is only the beginning.  Ones the support structure is compromised the whole thing is in jeopardy.  All your work, your pride and joy has been destroyed beyond recognition.

You build your life, a beautiful strong castle.  However your pride and joy eventually looses the battle against time and the elements. If your support structure becomes weak thrn the whole thing can crumble around you without warning.  Leaving you staring at unrecognizable ruins and cursing the angry sea that took your kingdom from you.